lost trust..lost everything..
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back from life..school is getting slightly better already=) went studying widd huiyen liyun and huiyun..but in the end more ppl joined in..instead of studying became talking..i shiflted to another table..but still..no difference lo..studying in a crowd is not tt good too..
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hmm..changed seat in class today..having exmas tml..so yupps..sitting in register number..and bad thing abt being first in class..you get the stuffiest sit..and i hate..its hard to concentrade..hope these wun affect my paper tml=) english teacher told us today that the paper is gonna very very hard..i am so dead lah..i hate comprehensions..super careless in it..hope i can do well..jus a pass is good enuff=)
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exams are coming~and i haven been studying well..hmm..wasting my time away bahx..but i really cant concentrade..feel like having a thousands things to do and i dunno where to start from..not sure izzit stress anot..i dun feel afraid abt my papers..whereas i fear abt somethings else..i dunno wat oso..weird seh..feeling so crappy now..
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had a quarrel ytd..over a misunderstanding and simply because of lack of trust..it became quite bad..i simply got no idea why it happened..but all the truth start poping out..things that i never knew all came out..and i simply lost faith in myself..lost trust in things i do..all because of it..got no idea what went wrong..wat did i made mistakes widd..but finally saw the true side of how ppl look at me and think abt me..since thats what they thought then i guess we're through..simply dun believe me..
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[to the one i owe happy meal=)]
hey girl..thanks for being there for me ytd..if not i really dunno wat i am gonna do..guess i learnt a new lesson in life..and yupps..i got the thing you wanted printed..get it from me kies=)knowing you for so long..despite having so many frens..you are truely the one that knows me inside out..haha..cant wait for you to finish your papers..than we go out tgt..i missed the time spent lah..chatting under void deck was the nicest..hmm..cya around in church kies? good luck for your coming papers! JIAYOU..loves..
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[to yongling]
heys..not sure if you're reading my blog mahx..but i jus wanna say..i miss ya..
miss the time going out together to shop..miss the time spent chatting and catching up!
catch up soon kies?jiayou for ur papers!=) loves ya..*hugs
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to the one i quarrel widd]
simply dunno wats happening lah..dun make sense lor..suddenly become liddat..i do what oso bu shuang..chu chu zhen dui wo..ni gan ma lah..say things oso say halfway..dun understand lo..
and i jus wanna tell ya..i didnt wan to abandon her..but i really cant help it..be it i am selfish or be it i am not happy widd her..but she jus make me thinks abt all the unhapiness that i went through and i am sure without me around she be happier..i dun wanna pull her along widd me and becos of me become unhappy..i noe i am being super nfair liddat..but
i jus hope to be a nobody and live my life freely without interference..yes i understand that u guys care..but i really cant help it but let things goes this way..i am sure that you will still be widd her no matter wat..helping her along the way..bringing her out of unhappiness..if because of me u guys quarrel..than i am sorry..but..i cant do anything abt it..i us hope tt she'll be happier..although i noe tt avioding her will make her sad and wat so ever..but i am sure tt it'llbe worse to drag her int my problems..
i hate these kinda things to happen..i only find happiness in helping other..helping her and knowing her for 3 years have added colours into my life deeply..helping her along the way makes me feel better because i owe her simply too much..now tt she found you i feel more relieved as i am able to concentrade on my own things better..but if its because of this tt she's unhappy or at..than sorry.
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ending here..bye~
*ximin
`i dunno wat i should do to make u guys feel better..i'm sorry
hmm..back to update a lil bit more abt life..
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went to church ytd morning..like the sermon lah..was very nice..throughout was thinking about some stuffs happening in my life and was wondering how i have been spending my sec life..found myself kinda wasting time doing ridiculous things..and oso things that i didnt noe i will do..and really regretted..but it over lah..decided to start everything all over again..i noe it will be a tougher journey now own the road..but i chose to do so..so i will continue to walk on bravely and stronger..no longer the one getting hurt and easily convinced..dun wanna get hurt again..
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also find myself very lucky to have good frens around me in church..frens who have never gave up hope on me..time and time again i stray away from his love..skipped church..did alot of sinful things..but they didnt give up..but try to pull me back to his love..knowing that he will still be there for me no matter what happen..no matter how hard life is and no matter what i am going through..i felt really blessed beyond measures..
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hmm..things in school are getting slightly better..found myself a few frens whom i can study together widd..and finally got back the mood and reason to study and get good grades..kinda happy abt it..but have to chiong..hope its not too late to work hard now~
shall study hard and get back the result i wanna have..jiayou girl!=)
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hmm..ever since i change my tagbox..weird posts appeared..ppl tagging w/o names..i noe you guys mean well..but pls leave a name can..and pls before givng me "advices" noe wats going on..and i have already realised my mistakes..since when did i say i dun wanna change..and i have also been trying hard to change..but do you think its easy..its really not okie..and i am not STUBBORN..i understand all of ur thinkings and i appreciate it..but wat i need now is not all this but its time..i seriously got no idea wat i wanna do from now..neither do i noe wat decisions i wanna make..and if my blog is a place where pppl quarrel around..than in the first place i shouldnt have started one..i know i have a choice..but i jus dun like it when ppl interfere into my life..i noe you guys meant well and wanna help..but i really dun need it now..i really dun..i find it really taxing for me now alrite..i..haish..you guys simply dun understand..
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feeling so crappy now..shall blog more next time..
*ximin
`i jus cant let it go..you guys simply dun understand wat i'm going thru and u will nvr do..
time really really flies..not noticing..1 week is over~
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theres like so many many things i wanna do lah=(
but i guess i really dun have time to do so..and i kinda hate stargazing now..i dun wanna sort things out..i dun wanna forget abt things..i dun wanna let things go on this way..i want courage..courage to face things..courage to speak..courage to do the things i wan..courage to stop escaping..but i really dunno how to do so..i really dun..
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hmm..theres alot of things i wanna do lahx..eg:
-go out widd yongling..
-buy new stuff..
-skip exams..[i noe i cant]
-catch up widd the younger ones..
-go bowling
-play more games..
-settle down to study
and many more~
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i guess my week haven been changing tho..things still carries on normally lo..haven been really spending time widd mommy lah..she got her own things to do tho..but i jus hate to be home..hate to waste time home doing nth.but staring at the screen..waiting for time to pass..hate to study at home..jus not in the mood to do things at home lah..i wanna go out widd my friends..i wannna study widd them..hope my mom really understand lah..but..i think she nvr will..
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hmm..exams coming in 2 weeks time..kinda prepared kinda not..i really dunno..jus hope to slack lah..but next year sec 4 liaox..cant slack anymore..but i jus dun feel like studying anymore lah..find it completely troublesome..but wat to do..=(
i think i only enjoying my science and social studies lesson..and i have startd to love dry painting! its very nice and fun~=)
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talking abt stargazing..has been a long time since i went lerhx..but i guess..i have no mood for it already..some other reasons oso lah..i dunno..dun wish to rely on it all the time..hope to learn how to face things bravely and handle them well...and not trying to escape and pretend that it has never happened..i cant do it lah..i cant face things bravely..i cant pretend that nth has went wrong or happened..but i promised i try to face it bravely..so i will..jiayou girl!
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hmm..guess thats all i gonna blog for today..bye
*ximin
`i will face it bravely..i promised to try..and i will do it..i dun wanna escape anymore..it hurts!
`make yourself a better person and know who you are first before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you well
what to do..i've got so much to say..but i really really dunno how to put it across..
another day of my life is over..saturday..had fun widd daddy and kor ytd..haha..when are we gonna play again?=)
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went to club ytd..spent half a day there slacking..i go there always slack de..
unless there sth for mt to do..so no much diff..totally got used to it already..
wanted to build something ytd..but in the end didnt lah..was too tired already..
dun wish to obtain another cut=S..later get nagged again..
was kinda tired cause' i didnt sleep on friday nite..was busy doing somethings..
mommy[brend] shld noe lah hor=) go ask her..she noes..=)
i think i only slept for an hour before going out..at that point of time i wasnt that tired already..
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went out for dinner with jiewei,[papa]choonhuat,[daddy] jinheng,[kor] kev and chris at north point..than went to play daytona..play a round only..cos dun feel like playing..always play widd daddy sure lose one..bully rite=P
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than went back to woodlands widd daddy and kev kor..we went to continue to play daytona..cant rmb the score..but daddy won all the way i think..so no fun..after that we went to play the kids bball..so silly lah..but was fun=) after that we did aomething really bad there..
wanna noe..go ask daddy..=)we started running around after we leave cwp..went fushan garden..and we did something worse there..lol..but in all..its funny lah..silly oso..but really enjoyed=)
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[to her]
heys..so sorry didnt accompany u ytd.i tot u will be joining us.only realised after the bus left..sorry arhs..hmm..someone happy le wor..1 month le..not bad not bad..i haven done that before lah..all the time is the one i like left me..never do i dare to do it again..unless i found another one..anw..next week still going down mahx? feel ike studying already..bring books there?haha..you didnt see wrongly..yupps..studying..can play for half a year..play a fool..but EOY cannot..i dun wish to drop to NA de lehx..dun wanna take the long way out..see how things goes bahx..think will be getting the art question sooon..
sian than needa chiong art..hate it sia=( how i hope i can drop art man..
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[to her husband]
heys..thanks for ytd=) had much fun..haha..next week we go kev hse play?
i bring more stuff along..hees..sorrry to burn u ytd..=p..its playful..sorry wor..
but it think dunneed worry much lah..will grow back de..hees..
by sat jiu cannot see the diff le..i think so~=X
and teach me how to play dota and cnc..i wanna play.since everytime online so bored..
time for games=) and..dun bully kies..i noe you very pro one..let me win you once can?and..my results is not sucks lo..i did improve alot kies..if this is bad..than i dun think you would wanna see my mid year one=P mommy noes..can puke blood one..
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[ to kev kor]
hey..thanks for ytd wors=) had fun..its true that daddy bully us rite? too bad..mommy dote daddy alot..so cannot complain..she sure side him one...next time we try to bully him back..i alliance widd you=) so..next week confirm go ur block? i wanna play..hees..will bring more things down this time.. oh ya..bring the cd on sat..i wanna dl and play..if not u send me the files..ask daddy teach you..=)
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[to him]
happy birthday..erm..i'm sorry..
every time i have got thing to pass to you i will get daddy..i tried to..
but i guess i really dun have the courage to do so..maybe becos of that thing bahx..
will try to get over it soon becos i've promised to be brave and will do so..and take care..
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shall end here..maybe blog again tml..
*ximin
`i nneed more courage..
hmm..from today onwards this will be my brand new chapter of life..
hopefully life will be even meaningful from now on..
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life has been super tiring and stressful..
and i'm dreading school lah..dragging myself out of bed everyday..going thru a long day in class..getting scoldings for nth..and non stop tests and never ending homeworks..
dunno when will all these all come to a end and have a good day rest..
anw..jus got back my results..~
english: 48
maths : 41.5
chinese: 65
phy/bio : 64 / 74
ss/lit: 72 / 62
art : 55
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didnt do well for maths lah..reason being i slack too much..and i hate maths..
not say hate lah..cannot understand some of the formulas..always get scolding from the maths teacher for nth..sit there didnt do anything wrong oso get scolding one..weirdo~
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didnt do well for english too..comprehension pulled everything down..and my teacher like to tell me..'ximin, pls rmb to EXPAND ur handwriting..' when i am writing compos..i really dun find my wordings small lo..but still..expand lo=(
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and i finally passed my lit ! i dunno why oso..but really glad=)and i did well for my sciences too..happy=)
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hmm..till now..except for the fact tt school life is really tiring..life have been okie lo..haven been quarelling widd my parents already..basically becos the scold until sian already..and becos of my results..lucky me=)
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yeah!going out for dinner later with sulwyn~quite happie..haven talk to her for a long time already..yupps..be meeting up with yongling on sunday..looking forward too..
haven seen her for so long also..catch up time=)
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think thats all currently in my life~
*ximin
`memorieskeeping..brand new chapter..brand new life.
`ximin
`sweet15
`wilful/unreasonable
`stubborn
`daydreaming
[[*My Adores*]]
`him
`dark colours
`music for life!
`slack:)
`stars
`beach life
[[*My Detests*]]
`people touchin my hair
`to be nagged at
`people lying to miee
[[*Music's Playing*]]
[[*Credits*]]
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